Popular Underground Magazine: Is Tequila still the popular drink throughout the band?
Elmo: I think it has to be. We couldn't choose a new drink everyone would get mad at us.
Jeff: If it flowed better, I'd like to sing Jagermeister.
Elmo: (sings) Jaaagger!

So what else do you guys like to drink?
Jeff: Irish Car Bombs used to be a big thing.

What are those?
Jeff: Take a half of glass of Guinness and then you take a shot glass and you fill it half with Jamison whiskey and half with Irish cream, drop it in and pound it. It's a really good way to start off a night.
Elmo: Makes me throw up.
Jeff: Elmo has some learning to do.
Elmo: I have an underdeveloped stomach except with candy. It's overdeveloped.

Alright, how many times have you guys puked since September 1, (2003)?
Elmo: Since September 1, I've puked once. When I took a Twang.
Jeff: I puked once in a glass of beer. Yeah, it was right when we got back from Warped Tour I went to a club in Hollywood and got really drunk.
Elmo: Yeah, I puked because we've got this really, really, really hot sauce - it's called the Bomb and we use it as punishment - like if you leave your shoes on in the RV or spill a beer or whatever and we call you; we have to call "twang!" And you have to dip your pinky in the hot sauce and it's fuckin' killer. Like it always makes you throw up. It makes us cry and gag.

That's awesome!
Elmo: It sucks.

Did you hear that Mexico doesn't want to be shipping Tequila into the U.S.?
Jeff: Why?

Because they don't want to be losing money from bottling it down there and shipping it here.
Jeff: I didn't hear about that.
Elmo: Did you hear what just passed? No more lap dances in L.A. You have to be at least six to 10 feet away from the stripper.

Some friends of NHOI come into the room inquiring about the mass amounts of burritos, nachos, salsa and guacamole that the band has in boxes on a table. They are quickly told that the food is for everyone.

What's in your CD player right now?
Jeff: I have an awesome pop-punk comp. that I listened to this morning. Actually I got up this morning. I got up at six in the morning and drove. I love pop-punk dude. I love it.

What are some of the band names?
Elmo: He has the new Blink [182] on there.
Jeff: There's like Ataris, Blink, Simple Plan - then there's like the Used, Finch (Elmo interrupts with AVRIL LAVIGNE), Avril's on there - I don't really like that song though. What else do I really like on there? That song by Fountains of Wayne; "Stacy's Mom..."

Yeah, that's an awesome song. That video is pretty kick ass!
Jeff: That video is amazing!

(Jeff borrows my lighter to open a beer bottle and shoots Elmo in the face with the lid).
Elmo: What do I have? DUDE. you just shot me in the face!
Jeff: I just shot him in the face.

If you guys could name one band or person that has had the biggest influence on you to go so vigorously toward you goals who would they be?
Elmo: My dad. My dad really pushed... like, he didn't necessarily want me to do this [be in a rock band], but he wanted me to do what I wanted to do. And he knew this is what I wanted to do, and he's like, "you wanted to do this, I wanted to do this, you wanted to that, I wanted to do that too. I wanted to say wanted a lot and I did it.
Jeff: Nothing really in particular motivated me to do this. D.J. and I started the band like four years ago... We just started playing and we sucked really bad and it was just fun. Everything just kind of escalated and developed and we started actually making better songs and stuff. Just seeing the progress and seeing the crowd... I guess that would be it; seeing the kids that come out and stuff, that's what really motivates you. I mean, we've played in Chicago twice, never in a club. Yeah, I saw one person out there that liked us. I'm kidding, we actually drew some people so it's cool.

Why did you want to be in a band?
Elmo: Chicks. No, I always loved performing in front of people. Before I did the band thing, I was acting.
Jeff: Fag
Elmo: Fag, I was in drama!
Jeff: Well, the acting's not fag, you were Peter Pan though.
Elmo: I wasn't Peter Pan, but...
Jeff: I did wear tights...
Elmo: (Laughs) I did wear tights for fun. No, I was in the Wizard of Oz, dude!
Jeff: Lemme guess; Scarecrow?
Elmo: No! Cowardly Lion, dude!

In your press booklet it says that you guys have sold CDs at Warped Tour, at malls and in the streets. What's the craziest thing to happen to you guys while you were trying to sell CDs?
Elmo: The day we were flinging CDs at the people out of the window as we drove by. That was this guy drunk (points to Jeff).
Jeff: We were selling CDs in the mall and we ended up meeting strippers that took us back to the house an lapdanced us. (Looks at Elmo and says "You weren't in the band yet").
Elmo: That's a story?
Jeff: That's awesome!
Elmo: I didn't know you wanted crazy stories like that?

Yeah! Heck yeah!
Elmo: Dude, we were stuck in traffic on Warped Tour somewhere, it was like in the middle of the night, [traffic] was just stopped and we got out on a highway in the middle of nowhere and there was so much traffic. We got out, we tried selling some CDs and we ended up finding only black people who were like not into our music at all. Not like racist or anything, but definitely didn't want our shit. That's not that good of a story.
Jeff: Mine was better.
Elmo: Yours was better.

What about a horror story? You guys have any CD sales horror stories about people being really turned off with what you are trying to do?
Jeff: When we're home on tour, to make money we go sell CDs at hot spots and in Santa Monica on 3rd Street is a really good place to go sell CDs and we would drink at my friend's apartment before we would hit the place. You know there's a fine line between a good buzz and being too drunk to sell CDs and one time I threatened a girl who was rude to me so I called her a bitch and decided to throw a CD at the back of her head. And then her boyfriend came up like five minutes after that and there was a minor confrontation. That's about it.

I read on your website that there has been a couple following you on this tour and they have Never Heard of It Tattoos.
Elmo: Dude, this one girl, she just got her second NHOI tattoo like two days ago and she lives in Texas and she drove on this tour - all the way to Boise - for like 32 hours, followed the tour for five days from like Boise to Portland, Denver, Salt Lake City, Kansas.

How do you feel about that though?
Elmo: That was crazy. I couldn't believe it. I was like "no way!" I heard that there is like three girls, that we know about that have NHOI tattoos, that E-mailed us with pictures of it or whatever. That's crazy, I can't wait until we change our name.

What's the most valuable lesson you've learned while touring?
Jeff: This is the first tour we've done where everything is set for us. We've booked like seven U.S. tours on our own and every tour, what we would do is we'd never slack off. Before the show, we made sure even if we had to drive through the night we'd get to a mall, you know, and sell like 30 CDs before the show. We would always be getting the word out before the shows. And I think that's really something that has catapulted us above other bands. It's all bout getting the word out.

When I was reading your press release booklet I was pretty impressed by everything you guys have done. It shows that this is something you take seriously.
Jeff: Yeah, I mean when we're on the road, we're like sleeping in people's houses and we're sleeping in the most disgusting, scum filled house, on the floor, like I slept under a table saw one time. But, you don't want it to be just like, a waste. You want to make the most of your time.
Elmo: Never give up!
Jeff: Work hard!
Elmo: Work hard!

What are your overall goals for the band?
Elmo: My ultimate goal, always from before, was to one day headline Warped Tour on the main stage.
Jeff: One thing we really want to do is just... We've done so much on our own, we just want to make a full-length album, like professional, a real budget and have it distributed by a real label so we can start taking it to the next level. We've laid all the groundwork, all the foundation and inside we're like "bust out!"

What advice can you give kids working to start a band and make it huge.
Elmo: Be original. These days, the only way CDs are selling and someone's stuff is getting burned is when an original band comes out. But I don't think another New Found Glory would sell well. Or another Good Charlotte. Maybe they would. There can always be like one pop-punk band or two pop-punk bands.

I'm not going to, but hypothetically, if I gave you $20 right now, what would you do with it?
Elmo: I'd give it to my merch guy and ask him to smoke something weird.
Jeff: $20? I'd put it toward a new amp. Like a down payment for a new amp.
Elmo: I'd buy $20 in sour candy and eat it all tonight!

Do you guys have any last words of insight?
Jeff: Yeah, we are just all about our fans so kids who are reading this [interview] that come see us at a concert, please come say hi, come hang out. Whenever we play a show, we always stick around until the last person has left. We meet everybody, we hang out with them, without them, we'd be nothing.
Elmo: Yeah dude, say hi to us, ask us your questions and we'll answer them.

Written by: Adam K. Zakroczymski III